I've found myself listening to some seminar type things called The Art of Love on lovesummit.com. It's basically about couples and things they can do to keep the spark, keep communication flowing easily, and to keep a relationship fun and healthy. Though my relationship isn't on the rocks or even anywhere near them for that matter, I like to hear these things just in case there's something I might learn. I mean, we can learn from anything no matter how small or big, but we can learn. So today I was listening to yesterdays seminar. It was three women talking about keeping things sexy though you have children. There were a lot of good points and a lot of things I just tossed into my "recycle bin". One of the things that really resonated with me today was when one of them said to let go of trying to perform for everyone. Let go of trying to be a perfect parent and perfect spouse. Let yourself just be. This is something I struggle with on a daily basis. There's always that voice in the back of my head telling me I could do better. Example. Today I got a call from the boss asking me to take care of something I didn't really feel was something I should be asked to take care of. I was pretty upset about the whole thing and got off the phone. Then Kailey was crying and I was starting to get frustrated because I wasn't sure what to do for her. I'd tried the three main things, diaper, feeding, gas bubble....nothin'. I had to calmly remind myself to take a deep breath and not get any more frustrated because really I wasn't even frustrated about her being upset I was frustrated about work stuff. Then the guilt started. How could I be so frustrated and it's not even her fault? I don't want her to feel my anxiety and think it's her. Deep breath....let go. It didn't occur to me until later when I was eating dinner that I was holding onto that "perfect mother" idea the woman had been talking about. Lesson learned...now to apply it to life in the future. She also brought up the point of "clearing the past". In other words letting go of things that happened in the past like your parents not doing this, or missing out on that etc etc. If you're not holding onto those things it's easier to have a clean slate and make parental choices on your own.
It's now Autumn and the leaves have started falling. I got up Saturday morning and went into the bathroom to get ready for the day. When I looked outside it looked like it was snowing....big bright yellow leaves. They were all falling from the top of the tree. The crazy thing was how they kept falling and never stopped. I was searching each branch, looking for the squirrel I thought was running around making them all fall, but there was no squirrel. I went downstairs and let Libs out of her crate and took her outside. I was standing there in awe staring at the tree watching the leaves and then I heard them. It was the coolest thing to hear each little patter as the leaves fell from the tree. Autumn on the east coast never stops amazing me. Autumn is a time of change. It's kind of ironic how my life has taken such a change during this part of the year. A few months ago there was an article in Yoga Journal about how people really don't accept change. It really got me thinking about how true that is. People resist change so much. If only they could go with the flow and let go of the things that are not important they would see it's not all bad. Change can bring good things. Change is important for growth and renewal. There's a part of me that really grasps onto change and understands how important it is. I feel as if I'm always able to adapt well to new things and for that I am thankful.
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