Take care of yourself

Seems that once you become a parent a lot of things change. Aside from the obvious changes there are emotions, physical and mental changes. Some days you're overwhelmed with love, some days you're exhausted from no sleep and dragging ass, and other days you feel like you can't think straight because you're tired as hell and still dragging ass. The last few days I've realized I'm not giving myself the time I need to be mentally sound. I never really knew how to be alone until my senior year in high school when I was seeing a counsellor. I realized I always had to be near people or talking on the phone etc. I was not in anyway comfortable being alone with myself. She encouraged me to take a day and be alone. So I picked out a good CD and put myself in the car and drove to Murphy's to walk around the stores and just see how being "alone" worked out. I was hooked after that. Don't get me wrong, I still love to be around people, and especially people whom I love dearly, but there's a time to be one with myself and just let the webs of my brain untangle. I think one of the mom's from The Art Of Love series I was listening to said it perfectly, "I need to go find my patience". Though I don't know I would ever tell Kailey that like that mom told her child, I think it's absolutely correct, in my world anyways. For me, I need to have some time. I need to be alone and enjoy that time. I don't even need to be doing anything. I could go for a walk, go window shopping, or real shopping or even take a bath. Just so I have "me" time and take care of me. If I don't do that I can't be 100% for Nick or for Kailey.
I realized on Thursday I wasn't doing this for myself. I wasn't even asking Nick to take Kailey so I could go for a walk or anything. I got stuck in the rut of wanting to have family time when Nick got home and then didn't get out. This wasn't giving Nick and Kailey/Daddy time either which he enjoys. But I didn't realize this until the middle of the night when Kailey was having a night of being up every two hours. I was exhausted, tired and pissy with no reason to really be pissy. I knew Nick was going to be going out that morning to scope out a spot for hunting and I was going to be home with Kailey. I have no issues with Nick hunting, but that's when it occurred to me that Nick was doing a good job at still doing the things he loved, making time for himself and still being here to be a family. I wasn't and for some reason I was pissed about it. Luckily I have an amazing husband who listened to my concerns and then asked what we needed to do to make it right. Now I just have to find my voice again, ask for help and take care of myself too. Always a work in progress right!?!