That silly cliche: All You Need is Love

I was never much of a Beatles fan until about six years ago. There was something about them I wanted to resist. Maybe it was the fact that everyone loved them so much. Then, I really listened to them and realized people liked them for a reason: they're good. (I know Grant, if you're reading this, my cool meter probably fell down a few notches, but at least I like the Beatles....never the Beach Boys).

Of late I have been feeling sort of off. I can't quite put a finger on exactly what's off, but life just is. If I really sit back and look at the things I've had go on in the last 5 months there's a lot piled up. I gave birth to a child, of which had to have a major surgery. My husband had to have a procedure done on his heart that seemed more scary than it really was because they didn't have all the facts completely correct. My family is also coming to grips with the idea of moving in a couple short months.

My plate has been nothing but full.

Through lack of sleep and frustration I have tried to maintain for myself the most composed state I can muster. This hasn't always been easy. I have been short with my children, my husband, not been a very attentive listener, and depressed.

Last night I arrived home from work and nothing was different than any other day. The kiddos were in bed and Nicholas was watching something on the tube. We heard Kailey upstairs. Nick went up to make sure all was well (if you saw the barricade we made in front of her closet to keep her from playing at bed and nap time you'd understand our worry). Nick came down and told me she would like me to give her a goodnight kiss and he left her door ajar. I went upstairs and slipped into her room. She saw me coming. I could feel her warmth inviting me to kneel down for a hug. Once I found myself hunched over, her arms shot out and around my neck with the tightest little squeeze I've had in a long time. I gave her a "true loves kiss" and told her good night. She whispered she loved me and we wished each other sweet dreams.

She will never know how much that hug meant to me. She will never understand that her unconditional love and quick forgiveness teaches me to be a better woman, wife and mother everyday. What I am coming to realize is it's easier to love others and not always easy to love myself. Trouble is, I can't really love someone more than I love myself in some cases. (That's a whole other blog post in itself).

One of the tools I am progressively trying to master is tapping into love at all times. In times of anger, sadness, kindness, depression, happiness, and frustration. A day filled with woe can be a day filled with love, if only I allow it.

Time to turn the off of life back on.