Words of Affirmation

For the last couple years I have been dealing with some health issues. Well, one really, but as a woman, having your hair fall out is kind of a big deal. I went to the doctors in Rochester, nothing. I went to the doctors on base here....hope. Until there was not hope, and they wanted to put me on lupus medication and inject steroids into my scalp to help the inflammation decrease.

Anyways, where am I going with all of this? I went to a naturopath. He thinks it has to do with my thyroid, which is what a lot of people, including myself, initially thought. He also asked to treat me for my low vitamin D levels. Great. I started taking the T3 medication and the vitamin D and let me tell you I have noticed a complete difference in my whole being.

Nick came home one day and I'd completely cleaned (almost to the point of deep cleaned) the house. Our house is not the dirtiest of homes, however it could use some love and care now and again. I also did some yard work. It occurred to me I hadn't really been participating, or encouraging for that matter, the matters of keeping the home spick and span or doing yard work. While I was cleaning the house I felt wellness rise up inside of me. I felt happy. Really? Happy to do housework? Yes. I told Nick it was as if my lazy bone was completely broken and now it's fixed. I had the energy and drive to do these things.

I've been working a lot in the evenings now which is not something our little family is not used to. I don't mind so much because I know I'm working and helping support us. What happens when I work in the evening is  I miss out on dinner with Nick and Kailey. Sometimes this puts me at eating dinner at 8:30 or 9. No big deal, but after having just done massages all afternoon I'm dog tired and don't want to do the dishes. Rule is, I cook, you clean. Since Nick cooks when I'm at work (and most of the time) I clean.

I came downstairs this morning and found the dishes still in the sink where I'd left them last night. Nick was kind enough to put the enchiladas in the refrigerator, but I hadn't the drive to do the dishes. I found I was pissy about even doing them this morning. I mean, didn't I work late last night, and couldn't Nick have done them for me? Then I think, "Wait a minute, he had to cook dinner and entertain a 2 year old all evening, not to mention give her a bath and the whole bedtime routine." I think it was fair for both of us to let it slide one night. But as I was wallowing in my irritation and thinking about how I shouldn't have had to do the dishes I started thinking about all the housework I'd done the last week or so too. (Now, before this sounds like a bashing my husband blog post, please continue to read on. It's not, it's just me sorting through my stuff). I was starting to talk myself into not doing anything else because I didn't need to do it all by myself. Let me just say right now, all the while I was going to school, Nick picked up so much slack and never once complained about it....not once. Then I started to think about that and how thankful I was he'd been so supportive and helped out behind the scenes more than I could ever imagine. The problem this morning was that I wasn't feeling like the things I'd been doing were being acknowledged enough for me. Nick always says thank you when I clean the house or he comes home and all the dishes are washed and put away and he can get right to cooking. Then I realized, it wasn't Nick that wasn't thanking me enough it was myself.

I'm not sure how popular the book The Five Love Languages is but I read it in a day and it has stuck with me ever since. I realized my love language was words of affirmation. When people verbally appreciate me and the things I do well, I feel loved. The trouble with this is that I'm not verbally expressing my appreciation for myself enough. Then I connected my love language to a book I'm reading now called The Anatomy of the Spirit. It's a book on healing through figuring out what emotions/beliefs you're holding onto, which chakras are out of balance and why, and what is going on inside besides the physical afflictions. Maybe, just maybe, (and really, not maybe, it is so).....I'm not loving myself enough, not appreciating the things I do, not congratulating myself for finishing school and beginning to build a clientele.....this is probably part of the reason my hair is falling out. Nick could tell me how thankful he is until the cows come home, but until I thank myself for advocating my own health and seeing a doctor who has helped bring some energy back to these bones, I will continue to be in this rut and continue to have hair issues.

I am thankful for all the random thoughts that flew through my mind this morning as I was taking Sweets to daycare. I'm also thankful for finding this ray of sunshine on a cloudy, irritated day. I will continue to learn to honor and love myself better.

"Everyday and in every way, I am getting better and better."