Who Am I? (Part 1)

It seems as though we ask ourselves this question many times in our lives. It just so happens I recently finished a 21 day meditation challenge and the first weeks focus was "Who am I?" I really got to thinking about this a lot because at first I wasn't sure what/who I thought I was. I mean, I have titles so to speak, but really, do we ever know who we are? We are constantly changing.

I would have to say, firstly, I'm a wife to an absolutely amazing man. Many people have told me he should be cloned. Well friends, I'm working on that, because we have a bun in the oven....but that story is for later.

Here's some of our back story:


King's River

When Nick and I met he lived in Monterey, Ca and I was living in San Jose, Ca. It was July 4th weekend and I was going camping with a guy I was dating at the time and his friends. The adventure was to be at King's River near Fresno. Note, the campground was no where near either my home or Nick's and how we both ended up there is only something I can image was part of a bigger plan. So we all got to the campground and started setting up. I don't remember meeting Nick the first night, but apparently I did. The next day everyone was just hanging out, but the guy I was dating ended up being sick and hanging out in the tent most of the day. At some point everyone went up the river to get in tubes and float down the river. I was sitting on my tube and then Nick started talking to me. I was secretly thinking to myself, "Does this guy realize I'm here with another dude?" but I talked to him nicely and kept my thoughts to myself (imagine that?). Everyone finally got there and we floated down the river and into madness. Part of the group got separated and ended up going to far, which was scary because some rangers told us to make sure we got off the river at our camp site. Thankfully, everyone made it back safely though. Night came and Nick and his friends, (I forgot to mention Nick and his two friends set up camp at the site right next door to us, they were not a part of our group and none of us knew any of them) came over for a campfire and some drinks. I had not seen Nick's eyes at this point because he was always wearing his sunglasses. Well, you don't wear sunglasses at night, unless of course you're the guy on that stupid beer commercial, but anyways. As soon as I saw his blue eyes I said, "You have AMAZING eyes." Those of you who know me already know I don't much screen the things that come out of my mouth, especially when a compliment is due. Nick later told me after I said that, it was on in his mind, he wasn't going to be obvious about it but he was interested. The next day there was a bunch of drama floating around our campsite so I asked Nick if I could lay in his hammock and read my book (If the Buddha Dated, great book by the way), with the secret hope we would be able to have some conversation. Nick didn't want to seem obvious, so he up and left, and went to the river to wash up. My heart sank, although he did return. He climbed in his tent near the hammock and we started talking through the window, sly little devil isn't he? He put on some Van Morrison and then in my mind it was on, I was interested. A man that likes good music is always a plus in my musical head. We ended up talking all afternoon and late into the night after everyone had passed out. We talked about work, military life, music, just about anything. I made him a play list on his iPod to listen to when he got home and only gave him my email address. In my mind, I knew what I had to do when I got home, break things off with the guy I was seeing. There was something about Nick I'd never shared with someone else. The fact that we could talk about things, philosophical things, deep things, easy things and there was no judgement and we were both ourselves. This was pretty empowering really. The next day both of us packed up and went home (in separate cars of course), the guy I was with ended up staying one more night and came back the next day. Nick had given me his card (he's in the US Coast Guard) and I couldn't resist calling him when I got in my apartment....and I did. We talked all night. We talked about the guy I was seeing and what I had to do. So the next day when he came to my house I broke it off. He was confused because he thought we'd been close on the camping trip (this blew my mind because I'd hardly spent any time with the guy cause he was sick in the tent, and I didn't bother to take care of him, I know, I"m bad), but it had to be done, I knew there was so much more for me. The very next weekend was the motorcycle races at Laguna Seca and I had planned to go out there for it, but in the mean time I talked to Nick during the day through texts and every night on the phone for hours. I was even so bold to tell him on Wednesday or Thursday night before going out there that I was going to marry him. His reply, "Okay!" Nick sent me a cd for the 1 hour drive to Monterey from San Jose. First song on the mix was Open Your Eyes by Snow Patrol. I was almost in tears, and still feel that way as soon as the song comes on. Meeting Nick really did open my eyes to so many things, but how the hell could he have known that?  He's the best thing that's ever happened to me.



Enjoying the weekend at Laguna Seca, and enjoying each other.

Nick and I have been inseparable from then on. We were engaged on October 13, 2008, married on January 31, 2009 and then moved to Rochester, NY June 2009 because he was stationed on Lake Ontario for work. Did I mention we bought our first house here in Rochester too?  

After Nick proposed. <3

So, being a wife.

I always thought I would be a wife, but never really to such an amazing man. I can't tell you why. Maybe because it seems, in my mind, there haven't been too many really stable men in my life. Nick is the definition of stable. He keeps me grounded and calm. I have been neither grounded nor calm for most of my life. When we were first married it was hard for me in a lot of ways. Not the fact that I was married, but the fact that someone loved me so much; when I first wake up with bad breath, uncombed hair, unshaved legs and even when I say the most off the wall, random stuff. Talk about overwhelming. Even when something is bothering me, that I never imagined sharing with someone I was in a relationship with, I can talk to Nick about it and he never judges, only listens and then shares how he is feeling so we can be kosher and on the same page. I am also not what you would call the "typical" wife. Nick does the cooking in our house. Thank the Lord, because I'm not a fan of cooking, but letting that go was difficult. In my mind, I was supposed to do the cooking because that's what I'd watched my mother and grandmother do. So wasn't I a bad wife? I had to realize that Nick needs to cook. Being the one to cook in my mind is a stereotype of what a wife should be, part of the wife title. Cooking keeps Nick sane. It's what makes the man tick. He feels so good when he makes an amazing meal and then enjoys it. 



Nick and I on our wedding day.



Being a wife is so much more than being the cook, cleaner etc etc. When you're a wife, you're a friend, a confidant, a lover, a caretaker and half of the balance. Such as being a husband, but this blog is about a wife :) All of these counterparts are who I am wrapped into one simple title....wife....it's who I am.