Friday, August 31, 2012
Sleep
You would think I would be well rested and happy today since this is the second day of an all night sleeping baby. Not so. I kept waking up in the middle of the night expecting her to wake up. And when she didn't I was sitting there in a panic wondering if she was ok. Of course, she was. Now it's time for me to adjust and get some sleep at night.....yay!
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Living In the Past
It has come to my attention that I have subconsciously been living in my past....in my Rochester past to be precise. It seems like I'm angry almost everyday about something. Little things, big things....things.
A few nights ago Nick had to stand duty. Usually I would be happy to have my time to myself, but not lately. Only becuase I'm not completely comfortable our house. I miss the comfort, warmth and loving neighborhood in Rochester. I've been tossing aroud the idea of weaning Kailey off the breast since I'm probably going back to school come September. I fed her and down she went. About an hour or so later she woke up. I rushed in and scooped her up. I wasn't going to breast feed her. Key word, wasn't. She calmed down pretty quickly without the breast and I sat in the glider with her for a few minutes until I could feel her twitching with sleep. As soon as I put her in the crib she was awake and upset again. This time, there was no calming her down. Nothing I did seemed to work. I tried walking around in the living room. I tried sitting in the glider with her. Nothing. I could feel my anxiety and anger welling up. "Why won't she sleep through the night like she was before we moved? Why did I get up with her everytime she made a peep when we were staying with people when we were waiting for our stuff to get here, now she won't soothe herself? How can I help her to sleep better?" All these things bombarding my thoughts. I tried to console myself with the mantra Om Mani Padme Hum. (I once read about having a mantra you use anytime, all the time, rather than thinking...that's the mantra I picked). It seemed to work for a while, but I could still feel anger as she wouldn't calm down. I haven't felt anger like that since well before Sweets was born. That kind of anger made me afraid to be a parent, and then I figured out how to control it. "Why am I so angry all of a sudden? Why can't I be calm and collected like I was in Rochester? Why have I not ventured out more to find yoga places and people? Why am I not meditating like I did in Rochester?" Needless to say, I ended up breast feeding her and she went right to sleep.
She still won't sleep through the night, and it's getting me down. Actually it's becoming exhausting (she's up every hour and a half to two hours). The nights are more tough when it's me by myself and no Nick to ask for help.
I learned so much from my past in Rochester. How to love myself and others, how to listen, how to slow down and most of all how to live. In the words of my husband, "Instead of being sad about not having all the "Rochester" stuff here, be positive about applying it to now."
A few nights ago Nick had to stand duty. Usually I would be happy to have my time to myself, but not lately. Only becuase I'm not completely comfortable our house. I miss the comfort, warmth and loving neighborhood in Rochester. I've been tossing aroud the idea of weaning Kailey off the breast since I'm probably going back to school come September. I fed her and down she went. About an hour or so later she woke up. I rushed in and scooped her up. I wasn't going to breast feed her. Key word, wasn't. She calmed down pretty quickly without the breast and I sat in the glider with her for a few minutes until I could feel her twitching with sleep. As soon as I put her in the crib she was awake and upset again. This time, there was no calming her down. Nothing I did seemed to work. I tried walking around in the living room. I tried sitting in the glider with her. Nothing. I could feel my anxiety and anger welling up. "Why won't she sleep through the night like she was before we moved? Why did I get up with her everytime she made a peep when we were staying with people when we were waiting for our stuff to get here, now she won't soothe herself? How can I help her to sleep better?" All these things bombarding my thoughts. I tried to console myself with the mantra Om Mani Padme Hum. (I once read about having a mantra you use anytime, all the time, rather than thinking...that's the mantra I picked). It seemed to work for a while, but I could still feel anger as she wouldn't calm down. I haven't felt anger like that since well before Sweets was born. That kind of anger made me afraid to be a parent, and then I figured out how to control it. "Why am I so angry all of a sudden? Why can't I be calm and collected like I was in Rochester? Why have I not ventured out more to find yoga places and people? Why am I not meditating like I did in Rochester?" Needless to say, I ended up breast feeding her and she went right to sleep.
She still won't sleep through the night, and it's getting me down. Actually it's becoming exhausting (she's up every hour and a half to two hours). The nights are more tough when it's me by myself and no Nick to ask for help.
Here are a few quotes I found to help me remember to live right here, right now:
"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past are certain to miss the future."
John F. Kennedy
"Learn from the past, look to the future, but live in the present."
Petra Nemcova
I learned so much from my past in Rochester. How to love myself and others, how to listen, how to slow down and most of all how to live. In the words of my husband, "Instead of being sad about not having all the "Rochester" stuff here, be positive about applying it to now."
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Stress
The move was so much more complicated than we anticipated, and really more complicated than it needed to be. Kailey was a trooper on the plane and Nick's drive with Grant and Aaron went smooth. Once we were all in the same place things started to go haywire.
The house we are renting is not in the best condition. However, the location is prime. We can see the ocean (part of Puget Sound) from our front window, which is absolutely awe inspiring. The trouble of it is, there are a ton of little tiny things with the house neither of us is happy with. Nothing anyone could have known about without living in it first. The first day Nick took a shower the water was fine. Then we'd both taken one the next evening and the water wasn't too warm. The next morning Nick took a shower and it was freezing cold. My shower later that day was hotter than all get out. Nick had to turn on the water in all the sinks to let some of the hot water run out a bit. Once it was cooled down enough I knew I didn't have much time to wash my hair, shave my legs, you know, all the things one does in a shower. The next morning, cold shower for Nick again, and hot for me. Then, my genius of a husband figured out the knob was backwards. The hot was where we thought the cold was. Since my showers were so hot Nick would set it to the cold (assuming it would be warmer) and since Nick's were so cold I would put it closer the other way...so much so that either of us was getting a dramatic temperature. Now showers are perfect. Although, we did have a few days with no hot water at all because the hot water heater went on the fritz and the pilot light wouldn't stay lit, and then wouldn't light at all. Landlord replaced it. Phew. So glad all that's over.
I got a call from my boss saying he was laying me off because the MD I do the billing for is selling the surgery center he built. Initially I was upset but then I realized it was an opportunity to go back to school full time. I'd been tossing the idea around a lot. I found a school in Lakewood (about an hour from us) that offers a degree program in massage therapy. Nick and I decided to wait a year, until our lease was up, and then we would move somewhat closer to the school and I would start then. In the mean time I would take some online classes studying ayuerveda. When I got the news of being laid off, Nick and I both felt it was a sign I should be going back to school anyways. I've been rushing around trying to figure things out. I have to take a placement test, meet with an advisor etc etc. Trouble of it is, Nick is working during the day and our friend Heather is out of town so there's no one to watch Sweets for me while I take care of business. Monday the boss called me and said, "I have some good news. You'll probably be happy, sad and confused. You can keep your job. There's a woman who has to quit to help take care of her sister." Let's face it, it's good news to keep my job, but now I'm in weird spot trying to decide if I should keep my job or be laid off. I think, after talking with Nick about it, I will continue working so we can pay down some of our debt, and then move when the lease is up and go back to school. There is not enough time to take the placement test and register for classes before September. Really I guess there is, but I feel like I'm going to be stressed out about it all and won't be able to settle down before school would actually start.
Life.
The house we are renting is not in the best condition. However, the location is prime. We can see the ocean (part of Puget Sound) from our front window, which is absolutely awe inspiring. The trouble of it is, there are a ton of little tiny things with the house neither of us is happy with. Nothing anyone could have known about without living in it first. The first day Nick took a shower the water was fine. Then we'd both taken one the next evening and the water wasn't too warm. The next morning Nick took a shower and it was freezing cold. My shower later that day was hotter than all get out. Nick had to turn on the water in all the sinks to let some of the hot water run out a bit. Once it was cooled down enough I knew I didn't have much time to wash my hair, shave my legs, you know, all the things one does in a shower. The next morning, cold shower for Nick again, and hot for me. Then, my genius of a husband figured out the knob was backwards. The hot was where we thought the cold was. Since my showers were so hot Nick would set it to the cold (assuming it would be warmer) and since Nick's were so cold I would put it closer the other way...so much so that either of us was getting a dramatic temperature. Now showers are perfect. Although, we did have a few days with no hot water at all because the hot water heater went on the fritz and the pilot light wouldn't stay lit, and then wouldn't light at all. Landlord replaced it. Phew. So glad all that's over.
I got a call from my boss saying he was laying me off because the MD I do the billing for is selling the surgery center he built. Initially I was upset but then I realized it was an opportunity to go back to school full time. I'd been tossing the idea around a lot. I found a school in Lakewood (about an hour from us) that offers a degree program in massage therapy. Nick and I decided to wait a year, until our lease was up, and then we would move somewhat closer to the school and I would start then. In the mean time I would take some online classes studying ayuerveda. When I got the news of being laid off, Nick and I both felt it was a sign I should be going back to school anyways. I've been rushing around trying to figure things out. I have to take a placement test, meet with an advisor etc etc. Trouble of it is, Nick is working during the day and our friend Heather is out of town so there's no one to watch Sweets for me while I take care of business. Monday the boss called me and said, "I have some good news. You'll probably be happy, sad and confused. You can keep your job. There's a woman who has to quit to help take care of her sister." Let's face it, it's good news to keep my job, but now I'm in weird spot trying to decide if I should keep my job or be laid off. I think, after talking with Nick about it, I will continue working so we can pay down some of our debt, and then move when the lease is up and go back to school. There is not enough time to take the placement test and register for classes before September. Really I guess there is, but I feel like I'm going to be stressed out about it all and won't be able to settle down before school would actually start.
Life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)