Breaking it down....building it up

For the last week and a half I have been out of school. It has been a really LONG time since I've had nothing to do in the day time. When I wasn't going to school I was working. It's been nice to sleep in, and yes I've been sleeping in. Kailey has been kind enough to sleep until 8 and almost 9 some mornings. Before break I had all these plans of things I wanted to get done: sewing an apron, maybe some totes, crocheting a beanie for me and the bean and also a shawl, and to read a heap of books. So far, I've read one book.

For the first week Nick was underway and in Port Angeles. It's really hard to get any of the above mentioned projects done while playing with a one year old. I really could have been doing more when she was taking a nap, being as she takes 2-3 hour naps, but I read....which is why I was able to at least finish one book. Nick finally was off on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We had some friends over and had a really great Christmas dinner. Christmas day I started to get a bit of a sore throat and could tell my lymph nodes were getting really sore. Yesterday I was full blown sick. I couldn't swallow much, had a fever and could hardly turn my head. I bet you could imagine how upset I was at being sick, but let us back up and I'll explain why. The week before, when Nick was working I ended up getting pink eye all of a sudden. A quick trip to the MD taught me it was viral and there was nothing I could do but wait it out. A few weeks before the pink eye, I cut my finger slicing an orange for Kailey and ended up with 3 stitches in my finger. I'm pretty clumsy, but really?

All of these minor mishaps and sicknesses were really starting to get me down. Why? Why is this happening to me? Why did I cut my finger two days before my massage practical? Why am I getting sick, I haven't been sick in years? Last night, hours after Nick got home I realized I hadn't even asked him how his interview for Warrant Officer went. I asked him and said I was sorry for not asking sooner and in a dazed, sick state began to cry. What could he do? Nothing. He said, "You should Reiki it away!" I cried harder and told him I'd tried. Finally he said what I'd already been thinking, "I think all of this is just built up and finally starting to come to the surface." I couldn't have said it better myself. This is why I say this:

About a week before break, or maybe the last week of the quarter, Yvonne, my teacher was talking about how it's important to find time to do the things which bring inspiration. She was encouraging us to do the things that make us go, that make us tick. I am guilty of not doing those things: yoga, crocheting, sewing, reading, and running. I hadn't done any of those during the whole quarter. If I'm not doing things to keep myself grounded and distressed it's all going to catch up with me. I am going to try and change this the second quarter. I will not be too happy during spring break if I'm sick like I am now....not happy at all. I will be inspired and rejuvenated.

Celebrate!!!!

A few months ago my best friend and I started reading a book called "Life Is a Verb" by Patti Digh. Life is a Verb is a book Patti wrote as she examined her life after the death of her stepfather. He was diagnosed with cancer and only lived 37 days after his diagnosis. She shares tid bits of her life and how she's learned to live better....everyday. If you haven't heard of the book I highly suggest picking it up at the library or even amazon. It's sort of a book you digest little by little.

I haven't really had much time to read for pleasure the last three months because of school but the last few weeks of the quarter I kept thinking about a story she shared about her daughter. Her daughter came home from school and when her father asked about her day she said she had taken her first quiz. When her father asked how she did she had a proud smile and exclaimed, "I got 30%!" Patti's initial reaction was to say, "You must feel terrible," but instead asked her how it made her feel. Her daughter, still proud burst out, "I got some right!" In bold text the sentence immediately following this story says, "Wow. What a fantastic way of looking at the world." Then she goes on to ask why don't we stop and celebrate the successes we do have? Interesting question really.

I feel sometimes it is much easier to dwell on the negative. I have to give myself some credit here, I feel like I've done a fairly good job at not being so negative, so maybe it's getting easier to be positive. Anyways, for a while much of my life seemed negative (drama, etc.). Then there was a turning point. Much to my realization, I was in control of MY life. Heck yeah I was (and am). Once that important revelation sunk in I was able to change the cycle of my thoughts and feelings. Then Nicholas came along. Life has only become more happy since then.

Lately I've been really grasping the concept of celebrating accomplishments. Not just mine either. I see myself celebrating Kailey's accomplishments too. For instance she's starting to use the spoon a bit more. She really prefers to use her hands, but I give her the spoon anyways so she can get acclimated with it a bit. Sometimes she'll hold it in her hand and shove food in her mouth with the other. Other times she will put food on the spoon with her fingers. More and more she's picking food up with her spoon and putting it in her mouth. I decided it was a great idea to clap and make a big deal with she does pick up the food and put it in her mouth with the spoon. She loves it! She still prefers hand feeding herself, but who doesn't right? I also celebrated with clapping when Nick and I were teaching her to high five. Now when she gives a high five she automatically starts clapping and getting happy. I can't help but smile and celebrate with her.

What in your life can you celebrate?

Here are a few of my celebratory excitements:

Kailey growth and adventures
The growth within my marriage and within myself
Successfully completing my first quarter of college, and with all A's (I'm pretty proud of myself!)
Being on the path to doing something I love
Succeeding

Say

Anyone who knows me know I LOVE Mr. Mayer. Ok, so he's kind of got a bad wrap for speaking his mind, which may be why he wrote this song now that I think about it....but I digress.

This song spoke to me the first time I heard it, and continues to speak. Not only have I been bad with listening, I've been shutting down, not wanting to talk about feelings, not wanting to make decisions for fear of them being the wrong choice, and not saying what I need to say. Why? Fear I tell you. Quite honestly I feel as if I've lost a huge part of myself with the move to Bremerton. Maybe before I moved it really started. I remember having conversations with Nick then, and him feeling like I was quiet or not listening. This balance of life has been tilted and I'm flailing around one ice trying to get it back. There is so much to be said, and nothing to say at all. Round and round I go.

"You better know that in the end, it's better to say too much, than never to say what you need to say again. Even if your hands are shaking and your faith is broken, even as the eyes are closing, do it with a heart wide open. Say what you need to say." -John Mayer

I'm speaking my truth. I'm learning to be better. Laying it all out on the line and feeling the power of expression. I will say it......

Communication Skills

I recently had a group project due in my college 101 class. The idea was I would get up and teach the class about communication skills. I had the subject of verbal communication. I was pretty excited about the project because I felt like I was a pretty good communicator. I thought....

Nick and I recently had a discussion and he was telling me he didn't feel like I was "hearing" what he had to say. I mean, he knew I was listening, but he didn't feel like I was getting it. Initially I just chalked it up to something more like he and I seeing things differently and there was nothing I could do about it (I know, I'm a bad wife ;) and assumptions are a horrible thing). Later on that week I was talking with some friends and one of them told me he felt like I wasn't listening. Honestly, I probably wasn't because I was so excited to be with friends from school and telling them about me I wasn't doing a very good job being a friend back. I was being the person that always had a story to tell right after someone told theirs (as I'm writing this I'm now wondering how much more I do this than I completely realize?). Hopefully not a one upper person, but a story teller person. Either way, it wasn't good. It immediately clicked in my head, the conversation I had with Nick. Maybe I wasn't hearing him.

Do you know what makes someone good at communication? Being a good listener. True story. Think about it friends, how can you really communicate with someone if you're not listening because you're interrupting to tell your story? You won't understand the person speaking, can not connect with them on a deeper level and can gain no sense of empathy. Duh! Try listening next time and see what cool things you'll learn about someone.

Day Care

Sweets and I went to the daycare today to "ease" her in. Who am I trying to kid? The kid didn't even care I was there. I could have left and she would have been just fine. It set my heart at ease to see it for myself though (at least I can start school Monday and not be worried she's not having fun). She was so interested in checking everything out. All of the other kids were happy to have her there too. When everyone went outside she was all over the place. She crawled around in the grass and didn't even care she was soaking wet from the dew. The sandbox was a hit, and the part of the playground with all the wood chip pieces. She didn't actually get in the sandbox, but she liked picking up and dropping the sand. There was a big blue rocking horse she got on. Miss Pam (the teacher) gave her a little rock to show her how it was done and then she kept rocking it. I don't think she wanted to leave when I were ready to go. Tomorrow we will go for a little longer and eat lunch with all the others. It will be exciting because Daddy gets to go and see what it's all about too!

I can't wait to hear about all her adventures when I pick her up.

Fall into place

Considering my last post about Autumn, there was no pun intended with the title of this post. Although, it fits the theme I suppose.

Have you ever sat back and thought about your life and really realized how everything seems to fall into place? I mean, we all have times of upheaval. Such times are to help with personal growth. But when things start to settle, more often than not, everything falls into the exact place it should be. If only more people were aware.

My life.

Perfect at the moment.

I have a husband who loves supports me unconditionally. I can't even begin to tell you how thankful I am for him. I also have a daughter who brings amazement to my day....everyday. I get so caught up in watching her. She seriously amazes me so much I'm all warm and fuzzy right now. Even though we don't like our house, we have a home and we are together (most of the time at least).

I'm going to school to get a degree in massage therapy. I'm excited to grow and learn and hopefully help people heal. I'm happy to add this to my tool bag and can't wait to let my yoga and massage meld together.

Autumn or Something Like It....

....that's the title of a mixed CD I made for my friend Meredith (Rochester neighbor) last year in the Autumn. Actually, I believe it was towards the end of Autumn. She just had Hanna and I just had Kailey. Well, Hanna was about 5 weeks old, but she was also born about 8 weeks before she was supposed to. 

Anyways. This has always been my favorite time of year. I'm getting so excited about Fall coming. I can smell it in the air and feel it in my bones. Although I'm thrilled about this changing of season, there is a part of me missing. Autumn will never be the same. After the birth of Kailey, Meredith and I started getting outside and taking walks with the girls all tucked away in the Moby slings. We would walk and talk and talk and walk. We would drive to the park, to the cemetery and just be. It was pretty amazing having someone going through almost the exact same thing at nearly the exact same time. I remember being up at crazy hours in the night and sending texts back and forth to keep each other awake and supported. I'm forever thankful for the time we got to spend growing and changing; finding the mothers within, together.

Autumn, it's coming. Change is coming. Even though last year was so pivotal, amazing, and life changing, this year will be as much so. I know every season brings change, but why is it Autumn feels so much change? The transition of having a full branch of leaves on a tree to becoming completely bare and naked for winter, all to keep itself alive and thriving. Trees goes with the flow, following it's instinct, not wavering. What if we all noticed such a change within ourselves? What if we let it be so dramatic (not in the "drama" sense)? What if we allowed the shedding of our leaves and skin? Change can be raw, painful and ever so delightful if we only go with it. I'm currently reading a book called "Bringing Home the Dharma" by Jack Kornfield. There is a passage I read a couple days ago about working with difficult energies that's really stuck with me and I would like to share it:

"When strong desire, fear, or anger arise, just let it go. Or if you cannot let it go, let it be. To "let it be" is a better expression of letting go anyway, because usually when we hear "let it go" we think of getting rid of it, but we cannot really just get rid of it. To do so is adding more desire, fear, or anger; it is saying in effect, "I don't like this, so I'm going to stop it."  But that is like trying to get rid of your own arm; this feeling is a part of us in some way. So instead of "letting go," letting be means "to see it as it is," seeing clearly."

Whoa! Really?! This makes sense to me. As I head into the school year after being out of school for 11 years there is some degree of anxiety, fear and excitement. Instead of dwelling on them I've decided to let them be, and let them shed themselves from my skin as they may. Let the leaves of these branches fall at their own will, allowing my intuition to take the wheel.

Roots

We are finally starting to feel settled here. At least I am, I should speak for Nick. Time here is going so quickly. The last few weekends I've made a huge effort to get out of the house and be outside. Though it's not going to be as cold as the good ole east coast, it's going to be wet in the winter. I keep telling myself to enjoy the sunshine and good weather while it's here. There have been a few days Kailey and I have gone to the park down the road to play on the swings and in the grass. She loves to be outside.

Standing up in the grass at the park

One weekend Nick and I drove up to Port Angeles to go to the Exchange. The Exchange here only has Navy clothing and I was wanting a onesie that said Coast Guard on it. It was quiet a drive for just a onesie, but Port Angeles is beautiful. Nick drove us to the top of Hurricane Ridge to see the view. It was amazing. Kailey wasn't too sure about the elevation rising and dropping, but she made it.

Hurricane Ridge

My friend Heather and I took Kailey out for a hike. It was probably a three mile hike when it was all said and done. It was flat the whole time, but the sun was shining and lunch was great. We stopped at the Commissary and picked up sub sandwiches. While we were eating lunch, tucked away off the path and man came down and asked if we'd seen the salmon. He then mentioned that they were spawning. When I was finished with my sandwich, I picked Sweets up and we looked over the railing and saw some pretty big salmon hanging out in the water way below. There were actually quite a few of them. I was thankful he'd walked through and said something because I may not have paid enough attention to notice them on my own.

Hiking with Heather

Last weekend we went camping. Anyone who knows Nick and I know we love camping, especially since that's how we met. We only got to go once last summer because we were so wrapped up in our pregnancy and getting read for Sweets. This year we only got one trip in too. It was pretty fun to take Kailey with us and watch her play in the dirt and watch the other kids running around. You could see the gears in her head turning; see her yearning to be up, running around with the bigger kids. Our trip was with a few people from Nick's work. We all pitched in a cooked one meal each. I love camping food. Haha.

Eating lunch while camping

Playing with the glow stick

Anyways. I'm starting to feel more settled, and feel my roots take hold of the soil below me. Life is good.

Sleep

You would think I would be well rested and happy today since this is the second day of an all night sleeping baby. Not so. I kept waking up in the middle of the night expecting her to wake up. And when she didn't I was sitting there in a panic wondering if she was ok. Of course, she was. Now it's time for me to adjust and get some sleep at night.....yay!

Living In the Past

It has come to my attention that I have subconsciously been living in my past....in my Rochester past to be precise. It seems like I'm angry almost everyday about something. Little things, big things....things.

A few nights ago Nick had to stand duty. Usually I would be happy to have my time to myself, but not lately. Only becuase I'm not completely comfortable our house. I miss the comfort, warmth and loving neighborhood in Rochester. I've been tossing aroud the idea of weaning Kailey off the breast since I'm probably going back to school come September. I fed her and down she went. About an hour or so later she woke up. I rushed in and scooped her up. I wasn't going to breast feed her. Key word, wasn't. She calmed down pretty quickly without the breast and I sat in the glider with her for a few minutes until I could feel her twitching with sleep. As soon as I put her in the crib she was awake and upset again. This time, there was no calming her down. Nothing I did seemed to work. I tried walking around in the living room. I tried sitting in the glider with her. Nothing. I could feel my anxiety and anger welling up. "Why won't she sleep through the night like she was before we moved? Why did I get up with her everytime she made a peep when we were staying with people when we were waiting for our stuff to get here, now she won't soothe herself? How can I help her to sleep better?" All these things bombarding my thoughts. I tried to console myself with the mantra Om Mani Padme Hum. (I once read about having a mantra you use anytime, all the time, rather than thinking...that's the mantra I picked). It seemed to work for a while, but I could still feel anger as she wouldn't calm down. I haven't felt anger like that since well before Sweets was born. That kind of anger made me afraid to be a parent, and then I figured out how to control it. "Why am I so angry all of a sudden? Why can't I be calm and collected like I was in Rochester? Why have I not ventured out more to find yoga places and people? Why am I not meditating like I did in Rochester?" Needless to say, I ended up breast feeding her and she went right to sleep.

She still won't sleep through the night, and it's getting me down. Actually it's becoming exhausting (she's up every hour and a half to two hours). The nights are more tough when it's me by myself and no Nick to ask for help.

Here are a few quotes I found to help me remember to live right here, right now:

"Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past are certain to miss the future."

John F. Kennedy

"Learn from the past, look to the future, but live in the present."

Petra Nemcova

I learned so much from my past in Rochester. How to love myself and others, how to listen, how to slow down and most of all how to live. In the words of my husband, "Instead of being sad about not having all the "Rochester" stuff here, be positive about applying it to now."

Stress

The move was so much more complicated than we anticipated, and really more complicated than it needed to be. Kailey was a trooper on the plane and Nick's drive with Grant and Aaron went smooth. Once we were all in the same place things started to go haywire.
The house we are renting is not in the best condition. However, the location is prime. We can see the ocean (part of Puget Sound) from our front window, which is absolutely awe inspiring. The trouble of it is, there are a ton of little tiny things with the house neither of us is happy with. Nothing anyone could have known about without living in it first. The first day Nick took a shower the water was fine. Then we'd both taken one the next evening and the water wasn't too warm. The next morning Nick took a shower and it was freezing cold. My shower later that day was hotter than all get out. Nick had to turn on the water in all the sinks to let some of the hot water run out a bit. Once it was cooled down enough I knew I didn't have much time to wash my hair, shave my legs, you know, all the things one does in a shower. The next morning, cold shower for Nick again, and hot for me. Then, my genius of a husband figured out the knob was backwards. The hot was where we thought the cold was. Since my showers were so hot Nick would set it to the cold (assuming it would be warmer) and since Nick's were so cold I would put it closer the other way...so much so that either of us was getting a dramatic temperature. Now showers are perfect. Although, we did have a few days with no hot water at all because the hot water heater went on the fritz and the pilot light wouldn't stay lit, and then wouldn't light at all. Landlord replaced it. Phew. So glad all that's over.
I got a call from my boss saying he was laying me off because the MD I do the billing for is selling the surgery center he built. Initially I was upset but then I realized it was an opportunity to go back to school full time. I'd been tossing the idea around a lot. I found a school in Lakewood (about an hour from us) that offers a degree program in massage therapy. Nick and I decided to wait a year, until our lease was up, and then we would move somewhat closer to the school and I would start then. In the mean time I would take some online classes studying ayuerveda. When I got the news of being laid off, Nick and I both felt it was a sign I should be going back to school anyways. I've been rushing around trying to figure things out. I have to take a placement test, meet with an advisor etc etc. Trouble of it is, Nick is working during the day and our friend Heather is out of town so there's no one to watch Sweets for me while I take care of business. Monday the boss called me and said, "I have some good news. You'll probably be happy, sad and confused. You can keep your job. There's a woman who has to quit to help take care of her sister." Let's face it, it's good news to keep my job, but now I'm in weird spot trying to decide if I should keep my job or be laid off. I think, after talking with Nick about it, I will continue working so we can pay down some of our debt, and then move when the lease is up and go back to school. There is not enough time to take the placement test and register for classes before September. Really I guess there is, but I feel like I'm going to be stressed out about it all and won't be able to settle down before school would actually start.

Life.

Miss Katie

Kailey and Katie at the neighborhood Xmas dinner.

When we first moved to Rochester, Nick had to go back to California for three weeks. We'd driven like maniacs to get here in time to sign the papers on the house and I put him on a plane the next morning to go back. Believe it or not I was OK with this. Yeah, it sucked, but I could hold my own. I actually had the house unpacked in two days! Anyways....

One day I was walking around the block with Libs. Let me tell you, the whole block is a dog block. People don't know the people that live in the house, it's "the house with the bulldog, the house with the boxer, Mika's house etc etc." I came walking down the street and there was a boxer hanging out. He was getting pretty excited to see Libs. His owner was outside and I believe she said he was nice and asked if Libs was. I told her yes and let them play for a while. Turns out Katie liked to talk as much as I did so we had a lot to talk about. I'm not sure if it was the first time I met her or maybe a few times after that when I was walking Libs on a day I was feeling not so hot. Moving so far away was making me realize just how much "stuff" I hadn't dealt with. Past hurts, traumas, those kinds of things. And to top it off Nick was still in California. Rylie and Katie were outside so I stopped off to let Libs run around and again Katie and I started talking. Those of you who know me know I wear my heart on my sleeve. I just started letting it all out, and even cried a little bit. Katie asked me if I liked cheese and sent me home with a nice (and by nice I mean pretty good sized) block of Vermont Cheddar (the kind in the wax) and a box of crackers. Oh my goodness was that cheese amazing! Ever since that day we have been the best of friends. I was so excited for Nick to meet her. When he came home they hit it off too.

Miss Katie is the first friend Nick and I made as a couple.She's probably one of the most selfless people on this planet, not even joking. She knew we were far from our family our first holiday season and asked us to join her family. We even fit in with all of them. In fact some of her sisters consider me like their sister. Every holiday season since we've lived in Rochester, we've spent with her family (now our family, the automatically count us in on the tally of how many will be coming). Christmas tree hunting has probably been one of the funnest things we've done together (aside from strawberry picking).

Katie, Rylie and Kailey

The first Mother's Day I was officially a mother (pregnant) I was with Katie. Unfortunately it was a sort of somber time as we were moving stuff from her father's house after he'd passed away. The man who was going to buy the house was talking to Katie when I arrived. He automatically thought I was Katie's daughter. Now it's an inside joke and she tells me all the time I shouldn't talk to my mother like that! Haha. That was the day I asked Katie if we could use her middle name for our baby if it was a girl....and a girl we had. So Kailey's middle name is Jean just like her Auntie Katie. I wouldn't have it any other way. I'll always remember Katie meeting Kailey for the first time. I'm sad Kailey won't be around to have crazy shenanigans with Katie and learn how to sass people properly....wink wink, I know you're probably reading this Katie....you know you'd be helping develop her sense of humor and sense of adventure.

Nick and I will always be grateful for every ounce of energy, love and thought Katie has given us and I can only hope we've been as kind and loving to her. If I could pack her, Rylie and Cody and take them with me I would in a heartbeat. It's nice to know there are people out there who love strangers as deeply as their own blood.  Katie, you are living proof. Rochester would not have been anything without you.

Surprise!!!!!

Our mischievous neighbor, Miss Katie, always has something up her sleeves (in a good way of course, she likes to keep us on our toes). She knew I'd love to learn how to make pedaheh (pirogi, but in Ukraine they are called pedaheh) so she planned a day we could go over to Aunt Helen's house so she could show me how to make the dough (Aunt Helen is a 92 year old woman who's got all her marbles and is a riot to be around!). Nick and I got up early Saturday morning and left the house by 9. We went to Aunt Helen's house and made the dough and chit chatted for a while before heading to the Y for shrimp kipper lessons with Sweets. During lessons I'd asked Glen if he and Meredith wanted to come over to have pedaheh for dinner. Of course, I'd forgotten I'd already asked Mer and she told me they had a birthday party to go to that evening.

The beautiful Miss Hanna

After lessons were done we went home and vegged out. Suddenly it dawned on us, we had some stuff to do before Katie and Margaret (Katie's sister) came over to fill the dough and make pedaheh for dinner. Nick called Katie to find out what we needed. She said she would get the potatoes on to boil and we could pick up anything else we wanted to go inside like cheese, bacon, meat etc, or to go as a side. When Nick got off the phone he turned to me and said, "It sounded like she thought we were going to get all that stuff ready." I was a bit confused because she hadn't told me what to get to go inside the pedaheh, or told me to get potatoes boiling, and wasn't she supposed to be teaching me how to do this? Why hadn't she told me what to do....chitta....I was overthinking it and worrying too much. In the mean time, there was stuff around the house I needed to do before Katie, Lori, and Margaret came over. Off to the store Nick went, and into the chores I went.

Sweets, playing with the basket.

We were supposed to be at Katie's house for a group picture at 4. I'd text Meredith earlier and asked if 4 would work for her and Glen because I knew they had to be at their party by 4:30 and I didn't want them to have to be scurrying around trying not to be late. Meredith said it was a perfect time and she'd see me then. Since Margaret was in town she would be able to get all the neighbors in a picture together (we'd been unsuccessfully trying to do this for a couple months). By the time we were done with the chores it was 3:35. I told Nick to set an alarm on his clock and we all laid on the couch for a snooze.

A short snooze later we got Sweets packed up in the stroller and off we went, down to Katie's house. As we were walking down I saw a circle of chairs in the Runion's front yard (another family on the block). All I could think was how a circle was an odd way to set the scene for a group picture. But wait! There were more people there than neighbors! Katie's nieces and nephews were there too. SURPRISE!!!!! They all got together and planned a going away gathering for us. Katie, you sly, sly devil!

Here's the real kicker. I wanted to to a pig roast with the neighbors before we moved. I shot out an email to everyone asking what weekend worked for them. NO one was answering. Little did I know, Katie had already started making plans for this surprise and was trying to accommodate both, or decide to tell us we couldn't throw our own party. Because they didn't want to spoil their surprise, all the neighbors decided to go along with the pig roast AND have the surprise. One weekend right after the other.

Nicholas and I have truly been blessed with the best friends we could possibly ask for. Moving to Rochester has been a growing experience for the both of us. Being so far away from family,only having each other to depend on was the way to go right after getting married. We made friends as a couple that will stay in our hearts no matter where we live. 

Walking

A couple months ago I had all intentions of writing about a walk Sweets and I took when there were a few days of really great weather. However, life has been crazy, and now it's time to get going on updating a bit more.

 I've found my walks with Kailey are refreshing, invigorating and "light me up" so to speak. Sometimes I put the carrier on and go because she's fussy, doesn't want to be put down and I'm getting frustrated. Almost like I'm getting a re-do if we walk it off. But most times, I really want to be outside enjoying Rochester, the block we live on, and of course my time with Kailey. She's started humming right before she's about to fall asleep on our walks. It's pretty funny. When I was in my prenatal yoga class the teacher talked about how she om'd her son when he was upset in the backseat because she couldn't get to him while she was driving, and it helped to calm him down. I did some om'ing when I was pregnant with Kailey in the yoga classes I went to, so I thought I'd give it a try when I was in the shower one day....it worked. Maybe that's where she's getting the humming from, maybe she's just learning about her little voice (which I never get tired of). This particular day she was humming away and looking around (maybe the humming and then falling asleep is a more recent thing). I took my iPhone out at near the
beginning of the walk and put The Civil Wars on, shoved it in the sling so we could both listen and enjoy the walk. About five minutes in I realized I wasn't getting the benefits of being outside if I had music on. I turned it off. After the tunes stopped I realized all the things I'd been missing out on by having it on: Kailey's humming, the birds singing along with her, the sound of the breeze, the feel of the sunshine on my skin, and my still
 mind. What really stood out in my mind was the birds songs. I wouldn't have heard them with the iPhone playing. I wouldn't have been able to enjoy that blessing. I also started to notice other things. Kailey for one was looking off to our left the whole time. I was trying so hard to figure out what she could be looking at that was staying with us the whole time. About half way home I realized she'd been watching our shadows. What a clever little girl. Then a couple yards ahead of us were some fresh sidewalk drawings by the children who live in the house we were walking by. There were some in their driveway too. I thought about how fun it's going to be to draw on sidewalks with Kailey someday. I already draw on the driveways with the three kids down the street. They like to have me lay down so they can outline my body and then add my clothes and all that when I get up. They did a great Mr. Nick one day, only they made sure to add his mustache (I think they think that thing is funny, but I love when he has one!). 

I'm so glad I stopped, took a moment to think about what was going on and turned off the music. Sometimes the small things are huge when it comes down to it.

Silent Breakfast

It's Sunday morning and I'm here on my last morning at Kripalu. Traditionally the morning meals are to be enjoyed in silence. This doesn't always happen as people sometimes can not allow themselves to have a moment of silence when surrounded by people. Usually I would be with a group of my yogis, sitting around the table nibbling on our healthy meal. This morning was different. I felt a call to do my own thing. I thought being away for the weekend I would find some rest, sleeping the whole night through. Not so. I have gone to bed at 12 or later every night and been awake around 5 or 6AM. This morning my room mate Cindy wanted to get up and go to the 6:30AM class. I had every intention of going and enjoying one last Kripalu class but the warmth of my bed was much more inviting. I laid there for a few minutes after she left. When I finally got out of bed I was wrestling with two choices, shower and eat breakfast (and my tummy was bare!) or meditate in the Swami Kripalu meditation room, then shower and then eat. I went with choice one. Showered and clean, I started to walk to the kitchen for my lone breakfast. At Kripalu there are large silver wall hangings with different inspirational quotes on them. I noticed one I'd walked by all weekend, without reading, that stuck out to me. I wish I'd written it down but I didn't. All I remember is that it was by Waldo Emerson. More importantly though was how I'd noticed I wasn't paying attention to details.

I've only once been to a restaurant alone in my whole life. But there's something different about going to a lunchroom and being with a bunch of like minded beings. I started down the buffet line: creamy rice cereal (I love hot cereals for breakfast), a poached egg with some veggies, a little sweet potato home fries, a ginger oat scone (I WILL find the recipe for those), prunes, apple cider, English breakfast tea and some vanilla soy milk for my tea. As you can see I'd been living meat free, by choice, for the last few days. After filling my plate I walked to the back of the room, all the while thinking to myself I should try sitting in the center of a table not in the back corner. It was probably my ego telling me if I sit in the back I'm a sad, depressed woman who likes to be hidden. However, the back corner was calling to me. I sat down and started shoveling food into my face. It probably wasn't that dramatic but after I'd glanced over and noticed a man enjoying his bowl full of goodness with his eyes closed I realized that was the point. To eat in silence, slow down and enjoy what I was given. Though I didn't go so far as to close my eyes, I did intentionally slow down my eating pace and notice what I was putting in my mouth. The texture of those glorious prunes, the way the greens (may have been kale, not entirely sure) pared well with the poached eggs, the way the scones were moist and delicious while still having that scone dryness to them. The apple cider was delicious. I'm guilty as all sin when it comes to enjoying a beverage. I often guzzle it down as if I'm parched and haven't had a drink in ages. The cinnamon and apple blended well. The cider tasted pressed this morning, not concentrated, frozen stuff mixed with water. I started looking around and noticing all the different types of people coming and going. I could hear the subtle sounds of people cracking the shell of their hard boiled eggs. There was a woman waving her arms in front of the man she was with as if to wake him from a dream. Two people walked into the room I knew, the rest of them were in the morning sadhana. I was sending out subtle energy, hoping either of them would come sit next to me, alone in the back corner. Neither of them got my universal plea! Then, Cheryl walked into the kitchen. I noticed her as she was walking my way. I was finished with my breakfast by this time, sitting, enjoying, watching, and sipping on my tea. She gently set her tray down and then mouthed, "How are you?" to which I smiled and gave her a thumbs up. She went to get some tea and I almost burst into tears. Was I really ok? Where were theses tears coming from? Maybe I was missing my family? I was loosing my will and desire to remain silent. I gently whispered to Cheryl, "I can't wait to see my daughter." She acknowledged and said, "I bet." I got up and went to get another scone and some of those wonderfully, juicy, mushy prunes. While eating I would intentionally put my fork down after every bite and savor the flavors and textures. As I was reveling in my prunes it struck me, if I'm missing my daughter after two nights away from her, how is my mother feeling? I've lived away from her for almost three years. Only seeing her for a short time twice during the three years. It's amazing the things becoming a parent draws out of me. "I need to go write this down," is all I kept thinking. I whispered to Cheryl I was going to go meditate (which I didn't do because I knew I needed to blog about the whole experience before it left me). I also told her I realized how important having a silent breakfast with myself was, not realizing she would think she'd intruded. I later explained to her how having her sit down with me was exactly what I needed at that moment. For some reason her sitting down brought to surface some emotions. I haven't figured out what those emotions were.

Breakfast was a lesson for me; to slow down and enjoy things, especially the little things. I haven't been taking the time to be with myself the way I should; to really immerse myself with silence, kindness and exploration. Aside from the monumental treasures I found about myself in Stephen Cope's workshop, I will take this gem home with me and hopefully apply it to my crazy life!

Ahimsa

I have been teaching yoga!!! Yay :) It's been a wonderful experience. I was pretty nervous about it the first few times but now I'm looking forward to Thursday nights. I have one very loyal student who comes every week. She's actually the inspiration to start teaching from my home. She's a good friend and neighbor who found out she has MS. All of our neighbors had been gathered in our house for a holiday get together and she was giving us the update on her status. My reply, of course, was to do yoga. She immediately jumped on the opportunity and we've been getting together every week since. (Except for a couple weeks that were pretty crazy with selling our house, but that's another story).

I've been trying to incorporate a theme into some of my classes. Luckily my friends at Infinite Light Yoga keep me in their loop,  keeping me on the same pages as them. I've been using the same themes they use for the week, although sometimes a week behind them. The first week I started incorporating a theme was the week they practiced Ahimsa, or non-violence.

Ahimsa is the first of the five Yamas (restrictions) of yoga, the Yamas being first of the eight limbs of yoga. To practice ahimsa means to be kind to all living things, including animals. Of course we can not always practice non violence toward bugs we may step on, or squirrels we may run over because it would be more harmful to stop our car in the middle of traffic. The belief is that all living things are connected. That is the reason some yogis go so far as to become vegetarian. Harming another would be to harm yourself. Non violence to oneself, I believe, is probably harder than being non violent to others. Often times we are so hard on ourselves, physically, emotionally and mentally. For example, I was feeling pretty guilty at the beginning of my motherhood adventure if I couldn't get to Kailey right away when she was crying (a past blog post for those of you wondering more about this). I realized it was making me sad and decided to let it go (easier said than done). I could only do what I could do. In a way I was taking the non violent path with myself and not beating myself up because I couldn't be there every second. Another example of being violent with oneself could be forcing the body to do things it really shouldn't or doesn't want to do....like drinking another glass of wine even though you know it's too much (over eating is a form of violence to yourself also), doing drugs or smoking, lifting something that's too heavy because you have no one to help you, forcing yourself to run that extra mile even when your body is screaming stop, and the obvious in yoga, forcing your body into a pose because you want to look "perfect" or you want to be doing it "all the way" with no modifications. When you're doing a pose the way it feels delicious in your body, it is perfect.

Let's be honest, you have to be honest with yourself to practice non violence. You have to honor what your body is telling you. Let go of what you think you should be and be what you are, enjoy the body you have and continue to honor it at all times. Someone once said, "Yoga practice is not about doing the perfect pose, it's about the experience." Non violence begins with our thoughts and our ego. We have to be non violent in our thoughts to be non violent in our actions. These two things are closely connected. If we are constantly thinking about how ugly, fat, stupid and unattractive we are, we will never honor our physical body. Practicing non violent thoughts doesn't mean to be non violent with thoughts of ourselves only. Judging others is a form of violence. The hardest thing for me to do is to be non violent with the person cutting me off in traffic, or with the woman who is moving slowly in the grocery store when I just want to be done and on my way home. Man do my judgemental thoughts come rushing in. I didn't really notice it so much until I started to research ahimsa and ways I could bring it into my classes.

Overall, the theme for that yoga class came through loud and clear. Lori told me a week or two later how she was doing something and realized she wasn't practicing ahimsa towards her body. I was smiling, knowing I'd actually woven something into a class that someone would hold onto.

I just have to add this picture of Sweets because I went in to check on her and she had her hand in this little mudra. It made me smile. Maybe she's a yogini after all :)

Cup is always full

I have loved watching every second of Kailey's growth and progress. To watch the wonder in her eyes as she's discovering new things brings so much wonder to my own being. There really is nothing like watching a child figure out their hands are theirs, watch them grab at their feet and watch them pick things up for the first time. It was actually bizarre to see her holding her binky the first few times. Both Nick and I were saying, "Are you seeing this? Look how she's holding it so she can see it!" See, we were in complete wonder watching the babe.

She's started rolling over occasionally. She's done it three times so far. I've only actually witnessed it once though. Yesterday she was on the bed while I was working and she was getting almost to the point of being on the fussy side. All of a sudden it went a lot quieter. I turned to look and the stinker was on her belly. She'd rolled over and pushed herself up to look around. That was a first. She hadn't quite figured out how to move her arm out of the way to get all the way onto her belly.

One of the weirdest things for me so far is looking at Kailey and seeing myself. I don't mean in her mannerisms, but actually seeing me, in her little face. It's like looking at a tiny me. The first time I actually saw me in her face kind of spooked me. There's really no way to explain why it was spooky, it just was. I've also seen a bit of my brother, dad, cousin, and Nick in her. She's a pretty good mix of Narruhn and James if you ask me!

A couple weeks ago I had to walk around and around in circles in our house with Kailey in the Moby Sling because she was not comfortable at all. She finally calmed down and started to snooze but I wasn't about to stop walking. The poor girl needed a nap....bad. So I picked a book from my shelf and started reading it while I was walking around, (I was trying to be on the quieter side so Nick could finish his homework). Anyways, the book I happened to pick up is called Yoga Gems. It's a bunch of little blips about different ideals and practices of yoga. Inspirations. One of the passages from the Taming the Emotions section stuck out to me and I decided then to share it:
Joy Beyond Fun
"I dont' think any sensitive person can be satisfied with having fun, no matter how much of it we may cram into our lives. Our need is not for pleasure but for joy-a deep sense of fulfillment that not only never leaves us but actually increases with the passage of time. Fun is living for ourselves; joy comes from living for others, giving our time and love to a purpose greater than ourselves." -Eknath Easwaran
This passage stood out to me because almost every bit of it reminded me of being a wife, a mother, and also a yogini. Really none of those "titles" as we'll call them are about living for yourself. Being a mother has taught me just how important it is to set yourself aside (also how much my parents put aside for me to make things happen). Not always, I mean you have to have some personal time to be the best spouse or parent you can. More often than not I'll choose to pass on the pedicure to get something for Kailey, or pass on going for a run because she needs a little Mama time to play. I have been the happiest in my life being a wife and being a mother. My cup is overflowing with joy, with love and with happiness.

Bad Dream

Last night I was dreaming about being on a ship or boat of some kind. Kailey was sitting with a bunch of people around her while I was standing near by talking with people. Then all of a sudden there was chaos and people were arguing over Kailey. I immediately panicked. Then all I see is her being pushed and pulled and then it was like they were tromping over her. As I was trying to get to her she ended up on the bottom of the boat, laying face down with her face under some water. I went to lunge for her.....waking myself up because I was actually lunging in real life (not sure how I didn't fall out of bed). I calmed myself down and then calmed myself back to sleep. It helped that Nick snuggled up with me. I don't think he realized what happened. When I apologized this morning for maybe waking him up he was oblivious. I have a feeling I was subconsciously worried about her. Last night after I fed her, we were sitting in the glider, gliding away. She was snuggled up on my chest sleeping. I always like to give her 10 minutes snuggled on my chest because she doesn't always give me a burp  and I've found it helps her not spit up. Of course, we'd been sitting there for more than 10 minutes because I was enjoying the snuggle time and the quiet. Then out of no where she started crying. I'm not talking a nice little whining cry, I'm talking full on howling. I stood up and tried to walk or dance her back into calm (not sure how that was going to help being as we were already gliding away) and it didn't help. I  felt myself starting to get upset and I almost cried. I just said, "Lord please help my child" and then she calmed down. It was weird, scary and unsettling. I guess that's all part of being a parent. It's really unnerving when you can't console your child though. I'm not entirely sure if it was a dream or her teeth. I feel like she's been in an uncomfortable state lately. Poor girl.

Dreams.....I've been having lots of weird ones. Very vivid, and very much subliminal messages I think. Haven't figured out what that last one was about, but I'm going to go on to tell about a pretty heavy message from one I had about a week ago or so.
Kailey had been having a rough night. She was up about every hour and a half or so. I'd already fed her and changed her and knew she was just upset so I asked Nick if he would go try to calm her down. He got out of bed and went and sat with her in the glider for about 15 minutes. Then he put her back in the crib. I could hear her rustling around in there so I went to see if I could help too. Nick was standing there over her in the crib. I immediately snapped at him, "You can't stand there over her, she's going to want to play with you!" He said he was just trying to calm her down. I was completely frustrated by this time. I think from a lack of sleep and because I couldn't figure out what the heck to do to make her more comfortable. I got some Tylenol and started to give it to her and tucked her in good and tight. Nick went downstairs. I figured he was getting some water, but he was getting the couch ready to sleep on. He came up and took Kailey downstairs. I was furious by this point. I told him he couldn't do that because she would get used to sleeping with someone in the middle of the night (like one night's going to make a difference, right?!?! Also, she was just nuzzled on my chest after eating). He assured me he was only trying to do what he thought was right and knew I wasn't getting any sleep. He wanted me to try and get some rest. Well, it was 3:30AM at this time. I was so pissed off I couldn't sleep. Luckily my best friend was up because she'd just had her baby and was up in the middle of the night feeding Gwen. I got to vent a bit through texting. I still didn't go back to sleep though. At 6 I finally got out of bed and started working. Nick brought Kailey up and started to get ready for work. I went in to feed Kailey and then went back to bed. I fell asleep...finally. Then I had a dream. I dreamt I was driving Batman around. The only thing was, I was having a hard time controlling the car because I was driving from the back seat. The car felt so heavy and awkward. I skimmed a fence and was all over the place. We finally go to the cave and we were going in to make the rescue. All of a sudden I WAS Batman. The Scarecrow was there trowing axes at us. I was watching them whizz by....by the way, I have no idea who "us" is....just me and some random persons in my dream. I knew we had to get out of the cave because instinct told me there were more bad guys coming our way. As we were trying to exit the cave a blonde woman got injured. I was trying so hard to get her out of the cave but she was so heavy. I was struggling so much trying to pull her out (like when you're trying to run or fly in your dream but you just can't). Right before I had to decide to leave her and save myself or keep trying I woke up. Here's the lesson from this dream: Let go. There's so much going on in our life right now. We're finally having it all sink in we're moving. Neither of us have really allowed ourselves to deal with that big idea. While we're excited to be going closer to home, there's so many great people we'll be leaving behind. It's one thing to move away from family....you know you can always go home to them and they will come to you. Friends in other places though, it's hard. You say you'll visit, they say they'll visit, but sometimes that's not reality. So, I'm carrying this all around with me. Trying so hard to pull it around, this heavy feeling of leaving. I also realized I was trying  to hard to control the situation with Nick and Kailey in the night. Being a parent in a marriage is not about one controlling everything, it's about being a team. Nick was being a team player, taking one for the team, and I just got pissed about it. How's that for team work? I quickly sent him an apologetic text to make sure he knew I appreciated what he'd done. I have to learn it's ok to ask for help, and when I do ask for help, it's ok to let things be, and not to control it. Not everything needs to go the way I think is the right way.....my way isn't always the right way for that matter.

I'm so happy to have dreams that make sense in the end, but don't really enjoy them so much while they are happening. The body and mind are an amazing thing....thankfully I'm in tune with both....for the most part.

Always Amazed

Seems like life hasn't stopped since we found out about our move. We have so many things we want to do before we move. I feel like I need to just stop though and I can't really. I need a breath of fresh air. Last weekend we were supposed to go to a partners yoga class but ended up staying home. It was nice to stay home and relax. I did some yoga by the fire instead....not as awesome as Dena and Becky's class would have been, but it was a much needed break from the going and going I feel like we've been doing.

The last few days have been pretty hard. Sweets has been a bit more fussy than normal. I'm not sure if she's teething or what's going on. I will say, it's hard to keep her entertained and get 5 hours of work in. I feel like just when I get her doing something that's making her happy, I sit down to start pluggin' away at the work I have and then she's fussy again. It's probably not that fast, but it sure seems like it. Haha. I'm not complaining by any means, I just have to find that perfect balance.

Sweets has been grabbing almost anything these days. Everything goes straight to her mouth too. I can't wait to give her solid foods. We were really waiting for the MD to give us the go ahead but now we're switching MD's (not by any choice of ours either). Apparently the MD we were seeing isn't a part of the Tricare plan we have. Suck! Let me just say it has been a hassle trying to get her into the other MD's office too. We have to write a letter requesting her medical records to be transferred and then when the new office receives them, and only then, can we make an appointment. What a pain in our arses!

I've been listening to some music by Tool, NIN, and other bands looking for stuff to pump me up and get me into running mode. This morning Sweets was pretty much not having anything I was trying to do to entertain her. I put on oldies, (the Shirelles station on Pandora) and the song Stay came on. She was happy as a stinking clam singing and cooing away. Maybe she's going to love music as much as Nick and I do?!?! I think I may have programmed the oldies in her though. When I was pregnant I started listening to more oldies and classic rock because I didn't want my child to like "crap" music! Haha. Well, now she seems to like the oldies. She's sleeping right now, with the oldies station on.......ok, now I have to try and get some work in :)

This crazy life

Wednesday night Nick and I went to bed with a feeling of relief that life was getting back on a schedule. Sweets was starting to get into the groove of a bedtime schedule again and we were on track to running smooth. Phew!

Nick got up Thursday morning and went to work. I am sometimes up at 6AM feeding Kailey, but I always go back to sleep until she's ready to get up for the day. While I was sleeping I missed a call from Nick and I also had a text that said, "Call me when you can". I didn't think anything of it, just that he might have to stand duty that night. Well, when I called him he said he got a call and there were not enough ME1's so he had to move this summer. WHAT?!?! We were not supposed to move until next summer. Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad about it, but I thought we'd have another holiday season, another summer for camping and so many other things. But at the drop of a dime things can change. It's inevitable. You just have to roll with it. The crazy part, we had about an hour to decide where we wanted to go. Nick started listing off the places on the list: DC, Bangor, WA, Virginia, Houston, Louisiana, Oregon, NYC. Then we had to talk quickly about where we wanted to go if the options were open. We weren't sure which options we would have though since everyone else got to put in their picks first. We decided we didn't really want to go to Florida or Louisiana. Recently Nick had been watching a lot of shows in Alaska and we'd talked about how it would be cool to go there. But did we want to stay on the east coast or go toward the west coast?

Nick got the call from the detailer and got all of his options. It was either he take a job on a cutter (he'd be gone for 3 months at a time) in Oregon or Virginia, Kodiak, Alaska, Valdez, Alaska, or Bangor, WA. Nick called me and we talked about things quickly and he told me to look into Valdez and Bangor because we'd narrowed it down to those two options.

As soon as I googled Valdez I saw and article about a whole bunch of snow. I read it's one of the snowiest cities in the US and the population is 4000. Whoa! I got a bad feeling in my gut about that, but decided to keep researching. I read a couple other things, but knew I'd already made up my mind. I called Nick and he had just gotten off the phone with his dad. Dad works in Anchorage for part of the year and has a pretty good idea about Alaska. He told Nick, "hell no!" about Valdez. He said it's so snowy. He said we'd be working all summer to prepare for the winter and we'd pretty much be stuck in the house when the snow came. Not fun at all in my opinion. So Bangor, WA it is.

We have no idea when we will be moving. Nick will get his orders within the next month most likely. I'm really excited to be on the coast again, to be near the ocean, and in the mountains. I'm also pretty excited we will be close to family. Nick's parents live about 40 minutes away. It's also a shorter and cheaper flight to California, with no layovers!

I will be pretty sad to leave all of the friends I've made here in Rochester and Syracuse. There's no denying I've laid down some roots in this place. I've decided to really just take it one day at a time and enjoy the time we have left. I want to spend as much time as I can with the people I love and now call family here. I know when we leave it will not be goodbye forever, but it will be harder to leave here than it was to leave California in 2009. I can't really explain why I feel that way. Maybe a part of it is this is where Nick and I came right after we were married and we had only each other. The friends we've made here are both of our friends, not just his or mine. This is the first house we bought together. I know I would be feeling this way even if we were moving next summer, but I wasn't expecting to have to deal with it now.

Breathing deep and drinking up every moment we have left here!

Mom and Dad come to visit

Nick's parents came to see us for about ten days. They arrived around 7PM the day after Christmas. It was the first time they were able to come out to see our house and most of all to visit Sweets. It was a long flight, but they were in really good spirits when they got here. I'm pretty sure we stayed up late talking and catching up on things the first night.

Dad usually makes what Nick's family calls the 12 hour cake. I asked him if he would teach me how to make it while he was here. It was pretty exciting for me. Basically it's a chocolate cake with chocolate butter cream frosting. It's layered with a custard and a mint chocolate frosting. It really does take a long time to make, but the results are well worth it. Unfortunately I didn't think to take any pictures of the cake when it was finished. I asked Nick to take some photo's to document the occasion of me learning to make the cake, and I will post those, but I don't think he took me seriously. Actually, I know he didn't because I remember him dancing around with my phone snapping random pictures. I also wished I had taken some pictures of the assembly of the six layers with the custard and stuff before it was frosted....shame on me!

Dad overseeing the cake making

The frosting before we added the butter.

The whole reason I wanted to make the 12 hour cake, aside from learning how it's done, was because we were having all our neighbors over for dinner to meet the parents. It was nice to have them all here because now they know who we're talking about when we talk about Mary Lou and Mark, and vice versa. The house was full of good cheer, good food and great wine. I put some movies on for the kids down the road and everyone sat around laughing and talking. We ended up putting two tables together to make a "T" shaped table so all of us could sit together. The main dish was a pork roast Nick made stuffed with bacon, kale, mushrooms and some other goodies. There was also some home made mac and cheese, a zucchini casserole, twice baked potatoes and clams casino for snacking on before dinner. After we were all stuffed full of delightful grub we sat around the table some more and chatted it up. Then we busted out the champagne and the 12 hour cake. It was a hit. But then again, the 12 hour cake always goes over really well. Now, if I can make it on my own I'll be in good shape. I have a feeling I'll be calling Dad when I do try.

Kailey really enjoyed her time with her grandparents. She was loved so much while they were here. It was fun to watch her playing and smiling with them. They love her so much, but who wouldn't?! I'm sure she misses mornings walking around with Papa Markie, around and around the house, just looking at stuff until she falls asleep. 

Kailey and Papa Markie

It was so nice to have Mary Lou and Mark here. I feel like I got some good time in with Mark. He and I are always missing each other. Usually when Nick and I go home to Seattle Dad is working a lot so we don't get to see much of him. I got to have some quality time with Mom too while Nick took Dad on a hike.

Our first Christmas



2011

Christmas Eve we went to our friend Katie's house. We have officially been adopted as part of her family. Every year they get together at Katie's house and have pedaheh (pierogi) and a soup that has cabbage and dill. We fit right in among the good food, conversation and wonderful people. There's always a lot of laughter in Katie's house. It's sad to think we will only be here one more Christmas Eve.

Nick's family has a tradition of getting to open one Christmas gift on Christmas Eve. The gift would be a new pair of pajamas. I really love this tradition so Nick and I will carry it on. For the last few years Nick and I have gone out the night before Christmas Eve and picked out jammies. This year we got to pick out Kailey's too! I think we've learned a valuable lesson and decided to do our pj shopping not the day before Christmas eve. Everything was pretty much picked over already, but we all found some pj's (maybe I will be able to sew us some pj's next Christmas). Actually we found Kailey's about a week earlier, thank goodness. It just so happened that we all matched this year...non intentionally, but I was pretty excited about it because I knew it would look sweet in our pictures on Christmas Morning.



Hanna & Kailey



Since we've moved to Rochester Nick and I have enjoyed our nice quiet Christmas Days together. It seems like every other year we are with family, either mine or Nick's and then every other year we are by ourselves. This works out pretty nicely. Don't get me wrong, I really miss my family on Christmas, and it took some getting used to, but I'm excited to hopefully have a home where our families can come to our house and enjoy Christmas. I'm also looking forward to starting our own traditions with Kailey. We put some music on and took showers and then enjoyed the day. I finished my Christmas gift for my best friend (which I still haven't mailed out to her) and Nick worked on dinner ALL day. Kailey, she was hanging out watching and cooing away. Our friends Glen, Meredith and Hanna stopped by to say hello and wish us a Merry Christmas. It was also their first Christmas as a little family. We didn't realize they didn't have plans otherwise we would have done a Christmas Dinner with them, maybe next year.

Nick's dinner was awesome. He made a prime rib dinner with these mashed potato dumplings things that were out of this world. The prime rib was stuffed with spinach and bacon. There was also some carrots and biscuits. The biscuits were all from scratch. They had green onions inside....oh man, we were in heaven. That man really has a gift!





Mashed Potato Dumplings





After dinner we just snuggled up on the couch and watched some Christmas movies we'd DVR'd. But before that I had to have a mini photo session with the babe for her first Christmas:





The unintentional artsy photo.